The Christmas Card I Didn't Send

 Sometimes, I've thought I'd like to send out a family Christmas card. You know, the ones people manage to send out during the holidays, chronicling the highlights of their year. This week I thought of what ours would say. It would start off with our latest family picture: Everyone mostly smiling, not too shabby!

It would say something about our awesome summer trip to visit grandparents and family,

And highlight some fun family bonding times, where you could clearly see our kids love each other.

See - family happiness and lots of cuteness.

Best of friends! 

Laughter, togetherness, and fun.

Maybe, when I got to the "section" about me, I'd throw in something about how I was becoming a super good cook, cooking dinners that make my children healthy and happy (OK, I didn't make these pancakes, our cute friends came over and made us breakfast, but you get the idea - happy food!)

I'd end with something about how my kids really appreciate me and write me these cute notes after I make the above-mentioned fabulous dinners.

This week however, I also composed a better Christmas card, the one that I won't send out, but that maybe I should… This is the TRUE face of family pictures. See that look in Hailey's eyes? Resigned. See Will's bored face? I only had to THINK the words family picture, and Hailey ran into something and got a magnificent bruise on her forehead, while Owen decided smiling was totally overrated. Next scheduled family pics: August 2031

Instead of details about the amazing dinners I make in my mind, I'd have to feature this beauty from yesterday's breakfast. Note: bringing eggs to a rolling boil after the water is gone is a VERY bad idea. Imagine a burned egg smell hanging around every room in your house. And lots of hazy smoke. 

Which logically leads to the next anecdote I could share, in which my youngest, probably disgusted by the fare being served in his home (come on, only the OUTSIDE burned, we can still eat them!) proceeded to catch and try to eat a roach. GROSS! He cried as mom fished out the leg, and mom cried as she washed out his mouth at the sink, hoping roaches aren't as nasty as she thinks they are.

Stories of brotherly love and peace would be replaced instead with the story in which Tyler teases Will, Will attempts to punch Tyler, Tyler raises knees in "self defense," and Will looses his first tooth. And his next tooth the following day. All while some new kids from the neighborhood watch in silent wonder as Tyler tries to (unsuccessfully) hide in the couch and Will carries around his tooth while bleeding all over. Boom, another dinner destroyed in the making as I attempt damage control. Needless to say, it was one of those days Ken came home early after having a short conversation with me on the phone (I wasn't REALLY going to run away, I just thought about it...)

I would end with some kind of cute saying, like "sometimes it feels like the inmates are running the asylum." And there you have it, the Hamblin family Christmas cards for 2015, in the middle of September, cause it sure aint happening at any other time of the year! Merry beginning of the school year!